http://doodienoted.com Your #1 Source for #2 Witticism Sun, 11 Nov 2012 18:50:15 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en The "yes" and "no" of urinal positioning.]]> http://doodienoted.com/appropriate-urinal-buffering Is #2 your #1 reason for staying single? Afraid to defecate on a date? Today we bring you some tips for taking a dump without getting dumped, by DoodieNoted's first ever female guest writer Fecal Matters.]]> http://doodienoted.com/crappily-ever-after-taking-a-poo-around-your-boo Ever walked into the men's room and discovered a woman making a doodie deposit in the urinal? Well, neither have I, but I'm predicting it to happen once in my life. That's because thousands of restaurants (typically ones reviewed as having "mediocre food but a fun environment" on Yelp!) think it wise to get clever with the signage on the two bathroom doors.]]> http://doodienoted.com/ambiguous-bathroom-signs-when-restaurants-try-too-hard Don't you use water to clean your hands and not just paper? Then why are we washing our post-dump rectal surface area with just toilet paper? How does it feel knowing you have the residue of in between the time you build a log cabin and the time you shower?]]> http://doodienoted.com/bidets-french-people-are-smarter-than-us No excerpt needed. Just check them out.]]> http://doodienoted.com/top-10-poo-related-gifs-warning-kinda-gross Urinal deodorizer blocks, more colloquially known as urinal cakes, urinal mints, urinal pucks or urinal cookies, are the small disinfectant blocks found in urinals. Despite these common names, they are not in fact post-dinner treats, oral fresheners or hard disks used in ice hockey.]]> http://doodienoted.com/urinal-cakes-not-just-a-delicious-dessert Do you prefer your toilet paper to unwind over the spool or under it? The Great American Toilet Paper Orientation Debate is as old as Abe Vigoda's balls (take a second to visualize them). So which is correct? I'm going to settle this shit right now.]]> http://doodienoted.com/toilet-paper-orientation-roughly-35-of-you-are-assholes Poo wants you to miss kickoff. Poo loves it when you're running late for an important conference call. Poo gets wet over making you miss the second half of a movie. Poo simply adores wasting your golden opportunity to engage in autoeroticism while your roommate is out at the convenient store picking up a sixer of Mich Ultras.]]> http://doodienoted.com/hurried-shits-are-messy-shits Plunking a dookie is a very intimate experience between myself and the toilet. Some people don't appreciate this. They thoroughly enjoy invading our privacy by lingering around the sink while we're in the stall clinching our cheeks, trying desperately to hold back the plop sound that results from dropping the dirty anchor into the Mediturdanean Sea.]]> http://doodienoted.com/why-do-people-loiter-while-im-deucing Dropping a phone into the urinal happens to each of us about as frequently as Morgan Freeman playing the role of a wise, nonthreatening black man with a soothing voice (see: Driving Miss Daisy, The Shawshank Redemption, Glory, The Dark Knight, Bruce Almighty, Se7en and about 50 other flicks).]]> http://doodienoted.com/the-3-worst-things-to-do-while-peeing