Taking and Sharing Pictures of Your Turds
Old people love taking pictures of their grandchildren more than they love Wheel of Fortune, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, forwarding shocking email chain letters without first investigating the claims on Snopes.com and stealing batteries for their Life Alert.
Cat owners love taking pictures of their gray tabby kitties more than they love organic food markets, Bob Ross, Jamba Juice, bumper stickers, Bikram yoga and Teva sandals.
White people love taking pictures of birthday cakes more than they love Snuggies, White Elephant gift exchanges, Zappos.com, Dr. Scholls, Fiji water, dabbing off pizza grease with a napkin and Netflix Watch Instantly.
And all these people love proudly showing off these pictures as much as they love telling you about their weekend, their fantasy football team, the fertilizer they use, their kid making honor roll, the price of gas and whether or not it looks like rain.
When to comes to seeing other people’s pictures, nothing is more entertaining than snapshots of their shit. No, I don’t have a #2 fetish but find the sheer girth, elongation or color of some people’s logs to be quite fascinating.
And I assume others are equally as interested in seeing mine. In fact, anyone who doesn’t appreciate a nice camera phone shot of my sacrifice to the porcelain gods is no friend of mine.
It’s like watching Dick Clark struggle through the New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, a Miss America contestant address the on-stage question or the Boom Goes the Dynamite guy (“passes it the man!”)…not a pretty site but you gotta watch it anyways.
Of course, there have been documented instances of idiots inadvertently showing off these kind of pictures, such as the infamous myspace girl, whose attempt at self-promotion failed more shamefully than every Bob Sagat joke on America’s Funniest Home Videos.
The bottom line is this: sharing is caring. And nothing shows off your compassion for another more than a picture of your bodily excrement. What’s more intimate than that?