The Average Weight of Your Dumps
We’ve all done it. We feel a big load brewing in our stomach like Mount St. Helens just seconds before it erupted, releasing 24 megatons of thermal energy.
The explosion of the volcano killed 57 people and thousands of animals, causing over a billion dollars in damages over 11 states. You feel like your eruption is about to do the same.
So, you step on the bathroom scale just prior and just after your own blast. How much weight did you lose in those 2 minutes of orgasmic rectal outburst?
Doctors have actually determined this. In a study involving over 1,000 men, researchers found that the average stool weighed 0.7 pounds (read the study).
Here are some other noteworthy discoveries from the study:
- Men have a significantly higher stool weight than women
- Stool weight increased with overall body weight
- Stool weight increased with age
- Stool weight depends mainly on the presence of water, bacteria and fiber
- Stool weight heavily influences size of water splash (not actually mentioned in the study)
Like a fine chardonnay, dumping gets better with age. So, an obese 60-year-old man (likely with floppy balls) is much more likely to drop sizable bombs into the “oval office” than a teenybopper girl.
The average man takes about 1.5 trips to the porcelain chamber pot each day (the half trip must be those times when you drop a ghost turd that may or may not have disappeared into the plumbing, leaving you unsure if you even shat or not).
At that rate, you shed an average of 1.05 pounds a day in dookie logs. Not bad for a day’s work.
(Note: The exact average weight of your dump is debatable, with a simple Google search bringing up different answers. The study listed above seemed the most credible, largely because the author has an MD listed after his name)