First of all, let’s get one thing straight. There is no way to completely avoid the inevitable backsplash. Your hands and pants are just going to have to take the blow of a minor, yellow mist. The parabolic porcelain pretty much guarantees a rebound effect. It’s simple Precalculus.

It’s a lot like that little triangle on your windshield that the wipers can’t quite reach…just something you’ll have to deal with.

That being said, actions can be taken to reduce this.

1. Low and away

This is a no-brainer. You aim straight ahead and you set yourself up for a direct shot right back at you. Instead, point it down towards the urinal cake on the bottom or spray the sides to use the curve to your advantage.

2. Slow things down

This one’s a little tricky and potentially painful, but giving a little squeeze can cut back on the strength of the stream. Urethal trauma is an inherent risk.

3. Stand back

This one is perhaps the most difficult because it involves mid-stream mobility. Give a buffer of about one foot. Of course, you’ll have to move closer up as you’re finishing up to keep the trickle off your Johnston & Murphys.

4. Go to Amsterdam

The Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam has the image of a housefly etched right next to the drain in all their urinals, giving guys a target to aim for and a way to hone our shooting skills. An alternative is to toss in a cheerios and attempt a narrowly-focused Super Soaker shot.

5. Get yourself an Anti-splashback Hygienic Urinal

This product actually exists and was patented by Bruce Wilkins in 1991. According to the patent, the urinal is comprised of…

“a pair of substantially vertically oriented sidewalls integrally joined along rear edges thereof to form a substantially V-shaped configuration in horizontal cross-section, said sidewalls having front edges lying in a plane defining an opening of said urinal, the apex of said V-shaped configuration being disposed such that a line passing through the apex and a point in said plane equidistant from said front edges forms an acute angle with respect to said plane.”

In other words, it’s shaped like a floppy vagina. See it here (the urinal…not a vagina).