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Urinal Troughs Are the Pap Smear Tests of Men’s Restrooms

February 14th, 2011

We humans force fellow humans into some pretty degrading situations. We make women have their cervix scraped by a speculum with a drastic 90° angle during a pap smear. We make guys bend over for a prostate exam administered by a cold-handed doctor who giggles during the procedure (that happens to everyone, right?).

Forcing men to closely gather around a urinal trough, a metal container originally intended to hold food for mangy horses, is just as bad.

Here’s a picture of one, for the women out there who might not be familiar with these demeaning pee-collecting devices, which are found primarily at stadiums, country western bars and some other public venues.

urinal trough

First off, it’s a urinal circle jerk, with a dozen or so men standing shoulder-to-shoulder with their wangs out, all excreting a yellow liquid comprised of chemical by-products such as chloride and sodium.

Secondly, it deprives us of any semblance of privacy and belittles us when we see a huge wiener next to us in the corner of our eye. Stage fright affects many of us in this situation.

Finally, getting splashed by urinal ricochet is one thing. Getting hit by someone else’s? That’s 10x worse than eating from a salsa bowl that’s been double-dipped by an 80 year old former prostitute with a fresh batch of oral herpes.

No doubt these things should be outlawed. Unfortunately, when the friendly confines of Wrigley Field decides to keep these (as they did a couple years ago), it’s a losing battle.

The only saving grace with these is the ping sound it makes when your stream hits the metal, which sounds a lot like connecting perfectly with a golf ball at the driving range.

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  • 4 responses to "Urinal Troughs Are the Pap Smear Tests of Men’s Restrooms"

  • Comment posted on 14th February 2011 at 19:00 Potty_lover

    That’s an actual photo of guys at a trough, right?

  • Comment posted on 14th February 2011 at 19:01 jdlanger

    My first encounter with one of these troughs was in Houston when I was just a boy. Some Cowboy (or just some douche with a cowboy hat) decided to pull his stranglers and tighty-whiteys down to his ankles and stand at the trough to relieve himself. I will forever try to forget turning the corner of the men’s room and seeing that bare ass dumbass at the trough…

    *as you should, I waited for a stall…

  • Comment posted on 15th February 2011 at 22:00 ProtonPack

    Next time you have to pee at a crowded trough, try to cross streams with the guy next to you. If you manage to do so, crack a witty joke about how the Ghostbusters didn’t know what they were talking about.

  • Comment posted on 25th November 2014 at 1:29 Tyler

    Matt, how much of this is driven by the fact that the US has gone from the Worse to the Best in the ugly eooncmic beauty contest? The US is becoming a safer haven for real money to hide in. That status will continue to shine in the coming months as Europe undergoes a multi year redevelopment strategy.I believe that the incremental supply of new crude oil in the US will drive lower gasoline prices, which should free up significant spending in the budgets of a significant number of Americans. The boost in the discretionary spending capacity will help to jump start the growth in the US economy, just as global money seeks the security of a stable economy.

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